So that’s it, another chapter of my life is closed. Well at least it bloody well feels like it, although a rational person would remind me that the boy I like changing his email address is not the closing of a chapter, but maybe it’s that spark of hope being trod upon. Well for me anyway. Oh god, how pathetic have I got, I even know his bloody new email address, but I won’t add it. Why? I’m pathetic, I dunno, I can’t really explain why I won’t add him, and I KNOW for certain he wouldn’t add me – we haven’t talked since late September, early October. We spoke all summer; I have a pretty good idea that it only started after he saw a picture of me that gave a great view of right down my top!! But ya know, before Summer we didn’t even talk then, and it was only ever only MSN, never spoke to him properly, and that is the thing, I’ve had so much chance to, but then again he has had a lot of chance to talk to me but why would he want to, I’m the one with the fucking crush on the perfect man, you know, oh so good looking, friendly, funny, caring, goddam irresistible. What would he want with a girl like me, shy, plain, not even pretty, lack of confidence, not even able to tell my friends that I fancy anyone; that I just have a crush, let alone telling them who I fancy!! I try to change, but you can’t change who you are, can you?? My god, I’ve tried enough times, but I guess at the end of the day I am myself and I will never manage to be anyone else. It’s just such a pity I hate the person I am. Seriously though, I wouldn’t be my friend if I had the chance to meet me, does that make sense? Nah, come on, I think a chapter of my life is closing when someone changed their email address. But then again it does end something, as I pre-mentioned, my hope. My hope that he might possibly talk to me over MSN once again, like he used to do everyday back in the days, well summer eh. Oh god, I’m in tears now, why do I have to feel this way about a boy, a goddam fucking boy!! Obviously I don’t love him, and I probably don’t even like him, but he is the closest to the type of person I’d like to be with that I’ve come across in so long. Man, I hate this. I gotta stop torturing myself – I have all these saved MSN conversations, of everyone, I keep reading ones from him, I can’t………I hate this. And what is worst is that I can’t tell anyone, except a bunch of anonymous internet people. I’m in proper tears now, before it was just watery eyes, I can’t stand this anymore. But there is nowt I can do. Nothing at all. Aww I messed everything up, and I ain’t just talking about this guy.